I want him, not her


Trouble is coming…A year later, the family of the contradiction is more and more big, the old daddy’s behavior has become notorious, outside people say more bad words, say true, as if I was the only one don’t care, because I know, I don’t deserve to talk about these things, the article did a foot on the surface, along with brothers and sisters “angry” condemn the old daddy of,Let everybody feel I through all very positive, is a normal man, but only my in the mind clear, my feelings never like them, can be placed in the values of the world, by comparison, even their such a let a person “condemned” emotions, think luxury, people got little three, mistress, and even to fuck,But can not see the existence of a man in love with a man.We can do nothing to change people’s thoughts, have to change themselves, suppress their emotions, isolated from the outside world.Under the public opinion of so many people, dad can live so calmly, natural and unrestrained, no matter how big brother to stop, how to track, how to quarrel with mom at home, how people outside say he is not, he still go his own way.With more quarrels, there will be more contradictions and conflicts.So there’s some trouble.Aunt when dad promised to use, the work from the countryside to closer to home, the result has been no landing, so dad things cause some effect, aunt think dad do not help her to work at the back, will only go whoring, outside these hatred she couldn’t speak, so the boss is he talk like, but the boss is a fierce temper,Where can suffer this kind of “wimpy”, so again, the atmosphere in the home is so complain all the time heavy.In the winter vacation, it was almost the world of my brother and me. The floor being built at home needed me to do a lot of coolies. It was much easier with his help, and some heavy work was done by him.In old home, do not to spoil the farm work, I take what tools all feel bad, don’t know is that he don’t like, or love, just don’t let me to work, hard to take away my hand tools, saw his threshing machine is too heavy, want to shoulder together, he called me, he’s angry call me at home waiting for, he firmly won’t let others say, I still understand it,So I had to wait for him at home.At that time the face is too thin, if I also stubborn point, strong point, he should be moved!After the Spring Festival, come to me, like back to her home, we work together, to go out shopping, ice skating together, sleep together at night, late at night, sometimes his hand touch my body, light over my shoulder, gently touch my belly, this I am not sure of his meaning, also don’t know what he was thinking, when he was sleeping habit of action,In fact, MY heart is to further development, but I suspect that he is not gay, afraid that he scolded me abnormal and cut off relations with me, so I dare not take the initiative, just stupid, but I hope his hands have not moved.Remember seems to be the year in 96, the elder sister wedding day, “poor” in the home, please only a few important people in the home, not too many guests, please everyone is silent, the reason is that dad does not agree to marriage, because brother-in-law also surnamed wu, he thinks this is belongs to incest, moral corruption, not to marry the same surname, if marry will not recognize the daughter, never come back,From my sister and brother-in-law to fall in love, that moment, he had been blocked love my sister and brother-in-law, my sister and brother-in-law is the right person in my life, is the true love each other, for they still choose together the father of the block, do not fear “, whether it be father abandoned, or can’t into the house, as long as true love will brave to face, and sure enough, on the wedding day, dad send MAO again,Out the door, it is not his daughter, he don’t have the daughter, these words, like a knife, a knife a knife to cut in the hearts of elder sister, elder sister kneeling in front of dad, I am your daughter cried, but the father is so iron color, even so, he didn’t move his attitude, he didn’t go to reception to relatives, also do not give to aunt and sister-in-law,Uncles koti cooked a dish that has been lying in bed, you see this kind of circumstance is embarrassed, ready to go out to sister, sister knelt in front of the bed and cried for father forgive me, father turned away, and look at a glance, old mama also loudly crying this daughter of life how so bitter, this father how so rude, two elder sister also had a tear to help the elder sister, got up to go out,To the door, I opened the “festival” of the red umbrella, up, suddenly tears can not control, shed tears, only sad to see my sister so married out.True heterosexual love always ends this way, but what about me?Do I have to be stabbed to death on the spot?After several months, one day, the elder sister to do prenatal maternal and child, walking past a certain hotel, found that bike, dad I was working in the home, the elder sister call back, said saw dad’s bike in a hotel here, should be with the woman on top, I’ll call the boss and the second brother, two elder brother rushed back, old mama at home early gas to shiver,After all home, and then together to a hotel, found the room, the eldest brother broke down the door, I saw the old father inside is folding the woman’s clothes, the eldest brother rushed up and grabbed the old father, asked where the man is?Dad said not only this, big brother straight to blow, this is the first time that dad was hit, or hit by his own son, all the anger rushed to dad, caught on the spot in the home, began his father “review and training”, family of course requirements are not allowed to be with that woman again, cut off contact, dad didn’t say anything, very reluctantly said: “I only like this one,” true love?Why else are you so stubborn?Family’s not that important, you know?This time should be the “review training” dad ever once, most has the pressure and no dignity in the family of the accused, rant, he seems still so proud, even a bit childish, when asked, why when looking for another woman in the outside, he gave the reason was an absurd reason, he put the grandmother died all blame to mom, mom said to kill grandma.This makes him 7 years old father, not filial piety of his mother’s old age heart has been vexed, but, then things he can not clear?Who is to blame?Does he not know black from white, right from wrong?Grandma has been strong, in charge of the home of the needle and thread, food are scored to their own bowl to eat, who did not have to eat one more, old mama clothes broke, think of a way to do their clothes where wrong?Why would Grandma cut off her dress while Mom was gone?This is domestic violence. You eat too much after work. Is that wrong?Grandma, who is she to say she eats too much?Was this before liberation?What’s wrong with being abused like this for so long?And for that, they can beat their wives out of the village?So she can kill herself by drinking pesticides?Did you shoot my mom so she wouldn’t die?In any family nowadays, this is intolerable, whose fault is it?Clearly father dereliction of duty, as a son, he is not to correct his mother’s mistakes in time, but let her “Cixi” type of “curtain” at the mercy, indiscriminate, inhuman blame mom, this is clearly to fuel the fire, dad this sin is one, second, the reality of husband and wife?Mother struggles for this family, working in the field during the day and coming in at night. When she comes back, she is scolded and reviled by her family. As a husband, what comfort has she given her?Shouldn’t it be better to mediate between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?Why do you always favor your own mother?And then the violence is directed at the person you’re sleeping with. Third, why do you blame others all the time?Not looking for problems within yourself?Bear?Does that get you off the hook?Now he put grandma’s death, blame is old mama killed, if don’t talk back to grandma, grandma won’t commit suicide, he won’t look for another woman outside (believe you a ghost), so he said he must find a can understand him, love his woman!This is the reason why he disregards his family, but he naturally achieves a story of family grief.In previous grasp now, really see small three clothes are the finest clothes, expensive, home and everyone is worried about the house will also be he didn’t, this is also to see much, both sides around the neighborhood are such cases, the man went out to raise small three, and then have to sell the house, it out of the car, and then separated, his brothers and sisters to the ground,Asked to divide the property, the land and the house among us three brothers, dad had no choice but to accept.He returned to the room with three note, respectively is the stadium site, square, and now lives this, and now I forget how to write, he then let me smoke, amount to a brother smoke, I smoke now live in the building, the boss draw the square that piece of land, the second brother went to the gym back pieces, originally I asked all the assets are sold, and then points,The sisters also want to share, as a result, I was scolded by the sisters, said I am not sensible, the sisters did not say to share the property, also said, they are married out of the people, do not come back to grab these with us, so the sisters did not get anything.As for the rest, I don’t remember much.The most tragic is mom, think of their own pain can only cry, numb hands and feet, cold hands and feet cramps, to the last back to the room to rest, tears have not stopped, I had to give mom massage cramps hand, comfort her!She wept of her sufferings, and ah!No matter how pain can only turn into tears flow away.Every other woman who cheats gets this kind of shit. What about me?Was it a guy?How many times do I have to die for everyone?I only know the end is very miserable, but I think they can be so “open and aboveboard” to do the affair is quite luxurious.Day by day or a difficult crawl, dad’s style did not change a bit, the money he was still stuck, the number of back began to be less and less, the life at home is more and more poor, mom actually depressed, sometimes cry tears, sometimes sigh!The atmosphere was subdued and dreary, and a little strange, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.Unfinished…To be continued

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