Infidelity: Some memories and pain, the more you avoid it, the more it hurts


No one cares about the affair but you;In addition to you, no one will always remember the heartache of betrayal.This is your life project, not anyone else’s, including the person who betrayed you!From start to finish, you are free to choose how you live your life!In my opinion, the cheating problem can be summed up in one sentence — the counselor does not have the courage to change!For example, I had a client who was in a marriage where there was long-term marital disharmony.How bad is this dissonance?List the reasons why he was rejected by the other party (wife) : rain, snow, thunder, sun, wind, weather problems, uncomfortable;Today, I was scolded by the leadership and quarreled with my colleagues. I was in a bad mood.Now not full hungry belly no strength, eat full do not want to move;The wife seemed to be looking for a reason to refuse the consultant.Gradually, the relationship became that the wife would only give a little unless she was in a good mood.So the consultant must constantly please his wife, in order to get the “reward” of the other side.I asked my husband not to rush to fix the couple’s life, but to find out what the reason was.Easy to find. His wife had a lot of audio files on her laptop, and he clicked on one and blew it up.Then he asked me, “Miss Zhang, what should I do?Pretending not to know?Divorce?Now I’m messed up, even though I already have a feeling that she’s cheating on me.But I keep telling myself not to think too badly of my partner.I’ve been comforting and deceiving myself!”Be a green bastard and bury your head in the dirt and pretend you don’t know?His “Should I pretend not to know?” made me laugh.I asked him, “You know ostriches?One of those birds that are said to bury their heads in the sand when they’re in danger, so they don’t have to face it.Are you the ostrich who wants to bury your head in the ground and pretend you didn’t know your partner was cheating?”Accustomed to escape, in the first response to the problem is to avoid!I’m not surprised his partner cheated on me. I’ve seen so many of them.He’s willing to be a green bastard, pretending he doesn’t know his partner’s cheating.I’m not surprised, because his character in his marriage is a habit of avoiding questions.Otherwise, he wouldn’t have had to wait for me to remind him that his wife was cheating on him.He must have suspected it more than once before, but I guess deep down, he didn’t want to accept the fact that his wife was cheating on him, so he didn’t want to investigate, and when he did, he didn’t want to uncover it.Such a man, you might say, loves his wife so much that he would rather break his teeth and swallow;It can also be said that his heart is not strong enough, so in the face of injury, always want to run away as a deserter.After all, as long as the compromise does not break the skin, there is no need to deal with the potential for violent conflict!Since I can’t handle cheating, I’ll hide it… Some memories and pain, the more you hide it, the more it hurts!I feel like I’ve said this ten thousand times: Just because a problem is hidden, it’s not solved;Just because an emotion is suppressed deep inside doesn’t mean it’s gone!This is also the reason why there are only zero and countless cheats – if you don’t address the reasons for the real cheats and change the couple’s patterns, the same problems will recurs and the cheats will happen again!For the counselor, he can choose to forgive his partner’s betrayal and continue the marriage.But by doing so, he means that the problems in his previous marriage will not be resolved, and his future wife will continue to cheat.In the end, there are only two outcomes: either he can put up with his wife’s constant infidelity, or one day he can’t swallow it and fight even harder!At the end of the day, all life is a result of choice — cheating is the cheater’s choice, and how you respond to your partner’s cheating is your choice!In the early years, I devoted myself to helping visitors discover how it all happened.That is, analyze with the client: what are the reasons for the infidelity?What is the psychological motive of the other side’s infidelity?What damage is done to the counselor’s psychological structure after the affair?But a few years later, I found that the counselor’s knowledge didn’t make much of a difference to their marriage.That is, knowing how things happened in the past doesn’t change the present.Focusing on the marriage’s worst-case scenario won’t help repair it.This is also the mistake many couples make — fixing the marital breakdown caused by cheating is simply about fixing the damage caused by cheating.In fact, the best question to be asked is, “What works for you in your marriage?””Or” What does it take for you to live the life you want?”A little digression, let’s go on to say that when faced with a problem, remember one thing: it is far better to be hopeful than to be hopeless.For us, we should face up to the problems bravely and find a way to conquer the difficulties, instead of believing that we are incompetent and giving up our efforts.That is, in the face of infidelity, once you make a choice.If you find yourself in a situation where your life seems to have lost all hope and gone grey, you may have made the wrong decision!On the other hand, if your decision to cheat leaves you feeling hopeful, then you’ve found the right path.So it doesn’t matter if you divorce or forgive the affair or get back together.Because it’s your life you’re deciding on, and it’s your life alone, and it’s your answer alone!That is to say, except for the extreme cases of cheating, there is no fixed answer for most cheating marriages.This means you should stop looking for cheating answers online or in other people’s articles.That’s someone else’s answer, not yours!If you don’t know how to find your answer, here’s something that might help: This exercise might take you about half a week to complete, but I think it’s worth it!1. What did you enjoy doing when your marriage was going well that you don’t do now?Do you still experience positive emotions by doing these things now?2. Ask your partner, and have your partner ask you, “What would you like me to do to show you that I care?”This article has now been changed beyond recognition. The previous headlines kept referring to my content, which could easily lead to bad associations.I cut out a lot of details for that, but it never worked.If you can divorce your cheating wife tonight, don’t put it off until tomorrow

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